I take anti-depressants. In the past I've made quite an effort not to miss a dose, because I know I'll crash. A day after I miss I'll get really dizzy and nauseous and then I'll start getting really depressed, what happens after that I'm not sure..now I do. I become really selfish.
Generally I'm very cautious about other people's feelings. Sometimes I won't move in a certian way or say what I'm really thinking because I don't want to upset people, or make them angry or something, however....since I've been off the meds...I fear a shit load of people now hate my guts. I flipped out into tears, because I couldn't find my freaking workbook for school, and then because I had to do chores, they were all in private, but were sufficiently obnoxious and relatively psychotic. I stressed out my mother, which I feel really bad about, upset my brother and I don't want to imagine what all I've done.
I feel like all that I need to do is get back on my medication, and back to my normal self, but then I wonder if who I am now, the natural me without sertraline pumping through my vains, is who I really am. And I wonder: if this is me, then the person who made friends with everyone I know now is someone else...does that mean I have no friends? Has the person they've known taken a break and handed me the controls for a moment making me some form of intruder?
The memories of our times, and everything they've trusted me with are still here, but If I'm not who they think I am, then should they be? Or is this some "true friends don't---blah blah blah" bullshit situation and I "shouldn't worry"?
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ReplyDeleteDear Loser_Dingo,
ReplyDeleteim pretty sure we've all flipped out about losing something
(remember that punch mark in the wall?)
also, to my knowledge, ive been friends with you while you were both on and off the meds
and you still (and have for a quite a while now) make me laugh, help me cope with my hunger/anger, and are one of the very few people who know about "enrike"
you have friends
whether you like it or not :]